How I Work
When you purchase one of my Packages, this is how we use our time together:
(The process is explained in more detail farther down. If you’d like to skip straight to that section, click here)
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Defining your goals: where are you today, and where do you want to go?
I use an Intake Form that is designed to help you pin down precisely what your hopes and expectations are for our work together. This will be the basis for our road map.
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We make sure you have the necessary resources and support along the way.
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This step is the heart and soul of our work together:
Through IFS, you will get to know your inner team, the parts of you who play a role in your life relating to the goal you have set. Who are the stakeholders around this issue? What are their concerns, hopes, and fears? What are their gifts and positive qualities they contribute? What underlying beliefs and emotions trigger reactions when it comes to the area of your life you want to change? Who or what are these reactive parts protecting? And what if we could go to those underlying challenging feelings and heal them? Un-freeze them in the past and integrate them into who you are today? It would take a load off the reactive parts’ responsibilities, so they could relax, and even contribute to the team in new, more effective ways.
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As your inner team learns to trust your Self as their leader, you will start noticing shifts deep below the surface. Keeping a progress journal is a great way to become aware of those small tectonic movements, and how they reshape your life.
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I will be your guide on this journey, keeping your goal in sight, and steering you back on track when life distracts you away from your chosen route. That being said, it is always ok to move the goal post when life circumstances change. In that case, we will revisit your roadmap and move the pin to a new location.
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We will be assessing on a regular basis where you are on your roadmap, and correct course if necessary, until you reach your goal.
My Guiding Process in More Detail
- Taking A Road Trip Together -
The fact that you have found my website and are reading this content tells me that you are on your way from here to somewhere else. You have decided you want to make a change in your life. Congratulations! This first step is often the most challenging one. Change takes courage.
So now you wonder if, and how, I would be able to help you get from here to there.
If we take your desire to get from A (here) to B (there), we can use the analogy of a road-trip you are planning to take.
Let’s explore how the two journeys are related, and how I can support you along the way:
Step 1:
Deciding Where To Go
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Where are you planning to go?
What is your goal? What changes are you hoping to make as a result of our work together?
My Intake Form is designed to help you gain clarity with this step.
Step 2:
Plotting A Route
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Find your destination on a map and mark it with a pin. Also mark your current location. You are now ready to start planning your route.
If you are lucky, you have a GPS that will guide you along the way, so you can focus on driving and traffic around you.
This is where a guide is incredibly valuable. Together we stick a pin in your map that marks where you are now (A), and where you want to go (B). Once we both have clarity about your goals, I can serve as your GPS system, guiding you along the way, while you focus on navigating your external life (traffic), and build a trusting relationship with your inner team (operating your car.) After all, it’s tricky to keep your eyes on the road, operating your vehicle, navigating it safely through traffic, while also trying to glance at the map to figure out which road to take.
Step 3:
Strengths and Resources
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
What do you need to bring on your trip? Make sure everything is packed up and ready before you leave.
What are your resources? What are your strengths? How much support do you have in your external world? Do you need to bring more support onboard before you can embark on this journey? And yes, as your guide, I am dedicated to supporting you all the way!
Step 4:
Starting the Engine
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Make sure your car is ready for the trip.
Turn the key in the ignition
(or, these days, just push a button.)
Engine comes on? Great – check!
If there’s no spark, there’s no movement. You need this spark of life to even want to go somewhere. If this essential amount of motivation is missing, you are stuck in your driveway. The fact that you are still reading is a great indicator that you have this essential spark of life – you want to go places! That’s why you are checking out resources that will help you get there.
Step 5:
Your Dashboard
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
You check for warning signs on the dashboard. Oil level ok? Everything in good working order?
The warning lights on your dashboard are the parts of you that let you know when things aren’t feeling right. It can range anywhere from a rational analysis of the situation, to an instinctual ‘gut feeling’. By getting to know these parts of you, you can learn to properly read their signs – they have valuable information for you!
Does everything feel right to go forward with this leg of the journey?
Step 6:
Fueling Up
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Do you have enough gas for the trip? What are your resources to get from ‘here’ to ‘there’? If the gas level is low, you might have to stop along the way to refuel. You want to make sure you will be able to find and use ‘refueling stations’ on your life’s journey. GPS can again be very helpful here.
What is your support system along the way to your goal? What re-energizes and refuels you if the trip feels exhausting? As your guide, I can help you identify the resources you already have, and point out additional fuel stations along the way.
Step 7:
Looking At The Past
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Make sure you can see what’s going on behind you in your rear-view mirrors. Do they need adjustments?
If your parts have been driving your car in the past, you might need to adjust the rear-view mirrors to your height. Most of our parts have taken on their role in childhood, and they may see the past from that limited angle. Once YOU, your adult Self, is in the driver’s seat, you can help them see the past from a wider, elevated perspective.
Step 8:
Parking Break - Limiting Beliefs
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Parking brake on? Do you still need it?
If your foot is firmly on the brake, or you are on a safe, level surface, you can release the parking brake.
The parking brake is the equivalent of our limiting beliefs. They have been put in place for a good reason, because at some point in the past, your environment convinced you those beliefs were true and important to remember. If you live on a steep hill, your parking brake will be invaluable because it’s not practical to keep your foot on the brake 24/7.
While you can drive off with your parking brake on, it takes a lot of energy and effort to move, causing heat and friction. Similarly, in our internal world, these limiting beliefs make it hard for us to move forward.
The young, vulnerable parts of us who are holding on to these limiting beliefs are at the core of the IFS approach. Once we can be with them in a way that allows them to feel safe (moving from a steep hill to a level driveway), they will be able to let go of some or all of those beliefs that keep them stuck where they are. These parts need a lot of witnessing, updating, and reassurance from you, since they can’t see the full, present picture.
Step 9:
Moving!
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Do you know in which direction you are heading? Can you see any distance in that direction? Is it clear? If all three of these are a yes, you bring your foot from the brake pedal over to the gas pedal. NOW you are moving!
(If you drive a stick shift, this analogy works even better, because it takes into account how you need to ‘ease’ the gears into motion with a certain level of delicacy. However, even in a car that shifts automatically, the ride is smoother when you ‘ease’ the whole weight of the car into motion.)
And just a little side note to contemplate… Very often we have to REVERSE out of our current spot before we can move forward!
This step is a big deal: your parts have agreed that it is safe enough to move! The parts on the breaks (usually parts that are self-critical, skeptical, fearful, hopeless, helpless, or anything else that tends to hold you back)
are giving space to the parts on the accelerator (parts like inner cheerleaders, dreamers, visionaries, doers, achievers, etc. who tend to push you forward in life),
allowing you to move.
Note that all this can happen with your limiting beliefs (parking brake) on! You can still move, but it will take a whole lot more energy, and you will run out of fuel faster (not to mention the smell of burned rubber…)
Step 10:
Team Approach
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Stay alert to traffic around you to avoid crashes or collisions. Apply brakes or accelerator as circumstances call for.
Note: YOU are the one making the choice when to call on a part to do their job: accelerator, brake pedal, indicator light, rear view mirror, steering wheel, etc. Ideally all these parts are very good at what they are doing, but they don’t see the full picture (road ahead) the way you do. The accelerator doesn’t make a good driver, and neither does the brake pedal. They are both essential for navigating through traffic, but it is YOU who sees the road ahead, the traffic around you, and the goal you set. You are the one who chooses when to employ each part.
This stage is the heart and soul of the IFS journey. You are on the move, with all your parts on board. They ALL play an important role. Sometimes the situation requires the gas pedal, sometimes the brake pedal, sometimes the indicators, sometimes a glance in the rear-view mirror, and the position of the steering wheel determines the direction you are going in. All your parts are working TOGETHER, not against each other. And all of this is possible because there is a unifying force at play - the YOU behind the steering wheel. YOU are the only one who sees the full picture, the one who takes all information into account – internal and external. The brake pedal doesn’t know when to break, but you do. The accelerator doesn’t know when it’s safe to accelerate, but you do. And once they trust that you, the leader, make good decisions for the team, they are willing to not jump into the driver’s seat, but let you be in charge instead. It is a dance that requires trust. And trust is what we are building during our sessions.
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Step 11:
Keeping Safe
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Stay alert to the laws of the road and physics. While you may have the ability to speed anytime you like, you might get in trouble for it, or worse, endanger yourself and others.
Again, YOU are the one who weighs all the pros and cons of a particular action. Is it safe to go faster (your cheerleader, achiever, doer parts)? What will be the consequences? What are the consequences of stopping or slowing down (fearful, self-critical, hopeless parts)? Your Self is taking in all available information – internal and external – and makes an informed, balanced decision.
Step 12:
Staying on Course And Staying Flexible
ROAD TRIP
YOUR IFS JOURNEY
Follow the directions on your GPS, or check your map to make sure you are staying on track.
At the same time, remain flexible and change direction if your destination or traffic conditions change.
While you are cruising along, keeping your focus on your inner team, the road, and traffic, your guide (GPS) can be of tremendous value keeping you on the right track. It’s easy to lose sight of your goals when you’re busy navigating life!
On the other hand, goals can change! You can flow with changing life circumstances (traffic), while taking all available information into account and adjusting course accordingly. It’s ok to take a detour, or even move your pin on the map.
Step 13:
You Made It!
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YOUR IFS JOURNEY
If everything goes as planned, you arrive at your destination! Wow, what an amazing new place!
No matter how many detours, congestions, or delays, if you stay focused on your goal, you will eventually make it to your ‘destination’ – Congratulations! What an amazing accomplishment. Revel in the beauty of the place you have arrived at!
Step 14:
On To A New Adventure
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YOUR IFS JOURNEY
And after some time, you’ll probably start planning your next trip...
You realize that the place you arrived at is not really a destination. It’s just another pin on the map of your life, joining the many pins of things you have already accomplished. Go ahead and set a new pin for yourself and keep growing! You now have a great internal team on board to help you get there!